Strewth

From leex
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My father died two months ago, around the same time as I started a new job.

I've been trying to get on with life, but I'm just a wreck under the surface. I took meds for anxiety and depression for years prior to my father's passing, and now they seem to do nothing. I can't get out of bed, and I've called in sick to work two days in a row. I'm even lying to my girlfriend, because I feel embarrassed for taking the time off. Depression is an illness, but I'm just so conditioned to not equating 'sad' with 'sick' that I feel like I'm taking time off where everyone else would just be getting on with it and making themselves get on with life as normal. I feel weak, stupid, and selfish.

Today I sent an email to my boss disclosing my mental health issues. I had previously concealed these from my employer, because I was worried they would consider me a weak person for having these faults, but heck, if I'm going to be taking time off, I don't want to compound things by lying. Now I'm just waiting for the response. I'm hoping I don't lose my job. I like it, but everything is just too much right now.

I don't even know if writing all this will even help, but maybe it will offer some brief catharsis. Maybe you'll all think I'm as pathetic as I already think myself, then at least I'll get confirmation of what I suspected all along: that everyone feels this way, and that I need to just man-up and get on with it.

Blegh.