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I fell asleep driving in 2011. This was just a few weeks after one of my really good friends fell asleep driving, went airborne off the freeway, and managed to miss every single tree on the hillside on his way down. I fell asleep just a block from my house and almost crashed into a wooden light pole. Jerked the wheel away before my car could connect with the pole and only smashed the glass out of my sideview mirror which conveniently remained attached to the car.

The body was not damaged but my struts and shocks were fucked up. I also ripped a hole clean through the sidewall of a tire. Exhausted as I was I couldn't sleep and ended up going out to a movie with another of my friends. I called him on the verge of tears saying that whenever I closed my eyes all I saw was that wooden light pole heading right for me.

Ended up trading in the remains of that car (200K miles and it needed more maintenance in its last year than it ever needed in its whole life) for my new car in 2013. It was really nice getting off the train and getting to my car and not having to worry if it was going to start or not.

Jun 24, 2015[edit | edit source]

I left an abusive relationship (emotional and physical) and thought I was ~so strong~ for not going to therapy. It was like I thought going was some indication that he won. I'm going now (six years after I got my freedom) and while there is a lot that I managed to process there's a lot that I never unpacked. I think it would be a good idea.

Still working through finding and developing nondestructive coping mechanisms for manic/mixed episodes. (:_(

May 14th, 2015[edit | edit source]

There's few people outside my close family that can pick out when I'm really manic. Luckily I don't get to that position at the frequency I used to but it almost makes the times that I am that much weirder. Half of me is terrified and the other half is WAHHAHAHA AWESOME :biggrin:. There's something especially frustrating (yet secretly I'll tell you can be great) with the territory that is rapid cycling. But I'm not here to bore or whatever, I'm just here to bitch.

I made it to 20 before getting the diagnosis but I always knew something was off.

For better or for worse, my boss is able to pinpoint when this shit goes down. I'm lucky enough to be in a role where I can usually take care of business but I still worry. I wasn't as bad as I was yesterday and I think part of it has to do with not getting the hanky panky for 2 weeks while the biopsy heals, waiting for said biopsy results, and having my dad (who I love dearly and never actually separated with my mom) move back in.

tl;dr I need a shut up brain